Thursday, December 11
"I sleep with a monkey" -- Merrill
Love Ham -- Jeff
"I can't wait to get home and smoke crank out of a light bulb." -- Jeff
"I'm Alain, I'm a transient from hell" -- Jeff
"Look Mr. Fireman... I have a hole in my ass!" -- Merrill
"I am not sitting in lugies!!" -- Merrill
"Uh Oh I flirt too much" -- Steve
"You ruined my Christmas!" -- Leon
"Hey, wanna see what I had for breakfast?! *gag*gag*" -- Jeff
"Isn't it funny how hot water, like, cooks farts?" -- Jeff
"Hey watch this!" -- Jeff
: "But Nick, I need comfort"
: "I'll spoon with you"
"AAAAH DIE!!!!" -- Jeff, to Alain
"The babies are coming... ... ... thwapth thwapth twapth" -- Steve
"Looking for love in all the wrong hams" -- Steve
Posted at 12/11/2003 12:21:38 pm by Jeff
Saturday, August 30
The long weekend is awaiting. I'm rather excited to just chill and relax.
As far as an update on the past few days goes, there's isn't too much to report. I feel very confident in several of the people in the group therapy session that I co-run. Not to break any confidentiality laws, but I pose this question to you: "If you say you base your willingness and drive for a positive future on Shame from the past, Why is that?" In other words, what makes shame and regret a motivating factor in ones life? Are you sitting in the shame because it's all you've known or... what?
Hrrm. Deep. But anyway. I'm 90% sure I'm going to be heading down to Phoenix Tuesday or Wednesday to stay the night down there and meet with Mesa Air. The history I have with substance abuse and the time I have clean might bar me with the FAA for another couple years (pilots need 2 years clean and 3 therapists and 1 medical doctor to sign for them), but I don't know if it applies to cabin-crew as long as one can pass a drug screen.
Prescott just royally bites. But I went to a barbecue last night, and it was pretty good. My mind tells me I need a man in my life, but my heart tells me I want one. There is a difference! Memories keep flooding me and my dreams, but there's really not much I can do about that. Maybe it's a subconscious year-anniversary thing. I don't know. I've probably said "I don't know" 10 times since I started this, I guess that goes to show something, huh! Teehee.
Well, I'm going to wrap this up. As you might know, sometimes I like to end with lyrical quotes, so here goes.
"I never would forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how you made me crazy?
Remeber how I made you scream
No I don't understand what happened to our love
But babe I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of.
But I can see you, your brown skin shining in the sun
You got the top rolled down, and radio on, baby
And I can tell you, my love for you would still be strong
After the bois of summer have gone."
OH by the way... this is fun...
Nextime on my soap opera:
As the Cigarette Burns (FX, 5:00): Jeffo (Peter Lorre) teaches Denise (Yasmine Bleeth) about secular humanism and has an affair with the grocery bagger. Soon afterwards, Donni (Emma Caulfield) and Kris (Sal Mineo) buy the local university. Afterwards, Chad (Peter Fonda) wipes Nick (Errol Flynn)'s laptop. Then, Miguel (Brandon Lee) decides to run for city council, but Don (Tom Sizemore) refuses to help. That same day, John (Dave Coulier) and Ty (Adam West) admit they don't believe in secular humanism. Insanity ensues. Mild sexual content. Parental discretion advised.
Posted at 8/30/2003 3:30:20 pm by Jeff
Thursday, August 28
Exciting times exciting times. Came online just for the hell of it tonight and I got an e-mail from Mesa Airlines saying they want to interview me in Phoenix on the 3rd and to get back to them! This does excite me quite much. They fly all over the damn place I have any desire to go and have a hub right out of Denver wouldn't that be special. But anyway, I just thought I'd spread the news!
Posted at 8/28/2003 8:26:24 pm by Jeff
Wednesday, August 27
A year in Arizona already?
So it's been a year here in Arizona already. Jeezus. It was like just yesterday I was living back in Colo doin' what I do best...
So I guess I'll update on my life, since it's been forever since I've journaled anything. I've grown distant from just about everyone I knew, in fact you might not even realize it was me if you ran into me. Changes happen, right? I'm not saying I'm a completely different person, I've still got the same personality, but I can tell you I've grown as a person. Drugs really sucked a lot out of me, but now that I've actually got a life, I would have to say things are good.
I still live in this silly place called Prescott, in the northern part of Arizona, about an hour south of Flagstaff. Phoenix really sucks a nasty one, I'm glad I'm not there anymore. Work, well I've toyed around with a few things. I detailed cars for a while, but that really doesn't pay. I suppose you could say right now I'm just figuring out what's next. I really don't think I'm going to be staying in Prescott, even though I've met some wonderful friends... it's just not promising for me. There's no industry here but contracting.
As far as relationships go, I've been out of one for over a year. When I came to Arizona initially I was too screwed up to even manage one, and now... well... I think I'm just content with myself. Basically, this is the first time in a long time I've really been secure in my own skin ( and lemme tell you that's quite a feat on its own. ) That might be hard for anyone who's never had to overcome addiction to understand, and it's really not worth trying to explain.
I suppose really you could say the past year boils down to this, nothing changes if nothing changes. If you're stagnant, and life sucks, stop complaining and do something about it. If you think you don't have any dreams or aspirations, make some. Stop fucking worrying about tomorrow and make today better? If you find yourself stuck in the middle of the dramatic bullshit, then tell somebody and be straight-up. You don't have to be stuck anywhere you don't want to be, you don't have to live a lie anymore, and you don't have to wake up everyday to "Oh my God". Wake up to some peace of mind. It's all up to you. I did it.
Posted at 8/27/2003 10:00:00 am by Jeff